Day 23 – Face Fat

Yesterday as I was trimming my beard, I made a common mistake and accidentally shaved off a huge chunk of hair. Normally, I would attempt to even out the rest of my beard  to match where I had botched. Instead of that, I decided to just trim the entire thing off and this is what I uncovered:

D26 Face pic

Shawn, my boyfriend, was the first one to notice that my clean shaven face revealed that I had lost a noticeable amount of face fat. (A quick note, the iPad camera does have a apply considerably favorable angular distortion in the above pic, making the results a little more dramatic than they are.)

In truth, I have to admit, the main reason why I have kept my beard is precisely to cover up my face fat. In addition to that, I thought a beard was fitting for the rest of my body. I am not saying that all larger guys should grow a beard, only that for me the hairy, bearded large male look seemed to work the best for me.

And looking back on some pictures, it seemed to be the right decision:

D26 Face Fat Shaved      D26 Face Fat Beard

Jolly red-beard Santa Clause is what seemed to work the best! What do you think?



Day 20 – Body Progress Report


D20 Weight Graph D20_Waist_Graph

Day 1 Stats:

  • Weight: 204 Lbs.
  • Waist : 42″

Day 20 Stats:

  • Weight: 195.6 Lbs
  • Waist: 40.5″

I am quite happy with the progress that I have made. I have managed to keep to my workout regime, weight lifting 4 times a week and hiking 2 days a week.

I weighed myself a handful of times over the past 10 days and I fluctuated from about 192 right back up to around 197. This morning the wheel landed right on:

D20_Weight 9-23


I am happy that I am not losing fat too fast. The plan was to give myself reasonable goals and lose weight slowly, not “crash diet” and starve myself (too much) and I like to think I am sticking with that. I must admit, following a lower carb, intermittent fasting diet is quite a challenging shift from my previous no-limits, overindulgent eating habits. However, I have to keep reminding myself that in order to take up residence in the gay ideal body, I must subject myself to a considerable amount of self-denial.

Day 16 – All Diets Work if You Follow Them


It can be confusing navigating the sea of weight-loss diets available out there. There are seemingly hundreds of plans out there: the abs diet, the wine diet, the gluten free diet, the low-carb diet, the no-carb diet and everything in-between. Most overweight people such as myself tend to be experts on the subject mainly because we have tried them all, and as in my case, has also failed miserably at sticking to them. My friend Todd once pointed out one very obvious, yet fundamental rule of dieting: they all work…if you follow them.

The first diet I ever encountered was Weight Watchers. When I was younger, my mother was a member of that weight loss program. What I associated most with the diet were those bizarre Weight Watchers dehydrated packaged meals that the program offered. The meals would fill our pantry and mother never seemed to eat them, and looking back it’s hard for me to blame her. Even when I was young, they always look disgusting. Apparently my mother’s diet operated on the assumption that if you provide food so gross to a dieter, they will lose weight simply by preferring to starve themselves rather than eating the meals!

Years later, my friend Marc went on a pre-packaged frozen meal delivery diet. I noticed a similar phenomenon inside his freezer, piles and piles of uneaten BistroMD “meals.” I had the pleasure of sampling his frozen sweet potato pancakes and it immediately became clear to me why so many of his meals have remained untouched.

I am happy to report that Marc has returned back to a diet consisting of Fuddruckers burgers and Onion Rings

I am happy to report that Marc has returned back to a diet consisting of Fuddruckers’ burgers and onion rings

These days it seems there is a diet out there marketed to every type of person. Most recently these diets are variations of the low-carb/no-carb diet. Thanks to a man named Dr. Atkins, these carb-cutting diets have been come almost de rigueur for those looking to shed their spare tire or fifth wheel. Low- carb diets come in all forms. For women, there is the “South Beach Diet.”

Look at that South Beach Bod!

Look at that South Beach bod!

And its more masculinized form, the “paleo diet.” (For the record…I think almond flour should be banned! BANNED I TELL YOU!)

Take a look at this fantastic example of a typical meal consumed by our paleolithic ancestors!

Take a look at this fantastic example of a typical meal consumed by our paleolithic ancestors!

For myself, I once cooked out of a recipe book titled “The Wine Diet.” In that cookbook, the only permissible carbohydrates were those that contained no less than 10% alcohol.

A lot of recent diet trends regulate not just what you put in your body but how you put that food in your body. My favorite of these trends is Intermittent Fasting (IF in CrossFit-speak.) IF dictates that one it is limiting your food intake in a 24-hour cycle to just 4 to 8 hours a day. In addition to speeding up your body’s ability to oxidize fat, proponents of IF suggests that it can also prolong your lifespan. I personally am fond of IF because it means you only have to worry about your diet for 6 hours a day… The other 12 waking hours can be spent worrying about being hungry!

As it turns out, for the past few weeks I have been more or less following an IF diet, I just thought it was called skipping dinner. The only way I have ever been able to lose weight is by going to bed feeling a little hungry, and IF helps me accomplish this.

In addition to only eating between the hours of 9:00 AM and 3:00 PM, I am trying my best to avoid any overcomplicated fad diet, such as the one’s mentioned above. I much prefer a more basic “don’t eat crap” diet,  which mainly means limiting my consumption of sugary foods, processed foods and booze.

So there is my diet plan, 2 simple rules, eat a day’s worth of calories for breakfast and lunch, and make sure the food isn’t overly processed junk. I’ve been able to follow them for 16 days…only 134 to go.


Day 8 – The Bod Pod

1) The Bod Pod Experience

After making an educated guess in my previous post as to my body fat percentage, I became curious to see if I could find a method that would offer me an accurate answer to this question. I did a little research and came to the conclusion that the BodPod would best suit my need. I am not sure exactly how it functions, but according to its website it is the “practical gold standard” of body composition analysis. That’s good enough for me!

The closest location that offers this service is at Cal State Northridge at the Marilyn Magaram Center. I decide to schedule an appointment for the following day at lunchtime.

I am excited as I arrive on the CSUN campus for my appointment, but finding parking was a bitch and I was afraid that I was going to be late. I fortunately found parking and made my way to the second floor of Sequoia Hall. I met an undergraduate nutrition student named Francesca, who I soon found out would be performing the analysis.
After paying the fee, I get changed behind the blue blinds.


I am instructed to get onto the scale.


And then into the pod I go!


I am required to remain absolutely still while the pod is operating. Little thumps of air come from behind. I remain calm and don’t move a milimeter.


After getting out of the BodPod, Francesca prints out the results of my test. It says I am 21 percent body fat, way under my estimate. I am dumbfounded and confused. I ask Francesca if she is sure this is accurate. She assures me it is. I ask her if I look like someone who only has 21 percent body fat. She tells me that she normally performs these tests on athletic bodies and has no idea what the body fat percentage of someone with a body like mine might be. Okay, fine, fair enough. (I am silently jealous…she gets to work with college basketball players wearing only their underwear!)

I am still perplexed as I look at the results again.


I remain confused the entire ride home, trying to rationalize such a low percentage. Maybe my thighs and legs are all muscle. I get back to the office and look at the result sheet one more time. I notice a curious mistake. Francesca has accidentally entered my height as 28 inches. I called Marilyn Magaram Center immediately and asked if an incorrect height would affect my results. “It would,” said the man who answered the phone. Fortunately, this turned out to be an easy mistake to correct. He would recalculate my body fat percentage with my proper height and then send me the corrected results ASAP.

I open the e-mail and look at the PDF. My jaw drops as I read the results:

Screen shot 2013-09-11 at 11.05.55 PM

I was prepared for a number between 25% and 30%, but not 34.2%. It turns out I am much flabbier than I thought. To make matters worse, the bottom of the report reads:

Screen shot 2013-09-11 at 11.06.17 PM

I am temporarily alarmed and concerned by the negative health ramifications such a rating presents. I acknowledge them and then immediately forget them. I am, after all, not so interested in being healthy as I am in appearing healthy.

2) Reassessing my Goals

At this point, my previous goals seemed a little far fetched. This alarming news forces me to reassess my goals.

I weighed in at 198 today. 67.7 pounds of pure fat. 130.3 pounds of muscle, water, bones and organs. I am going to make it my goal to lose about 30 pounds of body fat and gain 5 pounds of lean mass. That puts me at 173 pounds with 21.8% body fat.

Bod Pod. We will meet again!


Day 5 – Where am I and where am I going?

In the previous post, I talked a great deal about the “mythological” concept of a gay ideal. In this post, I would like to define, in more measurable terms, what I believe the gay ideal to be, as well as to establish a reasonable goal for me to work towards.

First, let’s talk about my body weight. In fact, body weight doesn’t tell us very much, unless we think of it as a function of height. This function of height and weight is usually referred to as the “Body Mass Index,” or BMI. Now, let’s calculate my BMI and see where I stand! My height is 5’11” and I am currently weight 201 pounds. Using the BMI Calculator at the NIH website, my BMI is 28. According to the NIH, a BMI between 25 and 29.9 means that a person is “overweight.” A more “normal” range would be 18.5–24.9. I would also suggest that a gay ideal body sits within this “normal” BMI range. In order to make it to the “normal” range, I would have to lose 23 pounds. To be safe, I am going to make it my goal to slim down to 170 pounds, which I believe is a healthy and achievable goal that will represent considerable progress towards achieving a gay ideal body weight.

So, I bet you’re all curious! What does my overweight body look like right now? Here goes!

D5 D5-Profile

The BMI is a helpful instrument for people like me who have a high amount of body fat. However, there are limitations to this metric because it doesn’t take into account body fat percentage. So what is my body fat percentage? According to my fancy Weight Watchers scale, I have 28% body fat. However, according to Steve at Nerdfitness, scales such as mine can be very inaccurate. Fortunately, Steve has a nice images showing examples of what people look like at certain body fat percentages:

malebodyfat11 menbodyfat2

Using the examples above as my guide, I appear to be closer to the 30-32 percent picture than I am to the 20-22 picture. If I will make a rough estimation that my body fat is 25 to 28. What does having a body fat of 25 to 28 actually mean? According to Marc at Builtlean and the American Council on Exercise, a Body fat percentage above 25 constitutes “obesity.” Using the above pictures, I would define the gay ideal as being somewhere between 6 and 10%. I don’t think it’s at all possible to for me to get my body fat percentage down to 10%, so I will aim for 17% which is what the American Council on Exercise describes as “fitness” body fat percentage.

So how much fat would I have to lose to be 170 pounds and 17 percent body fat? After crunching a few numbers, I found out I would have to lose 27 pounds of pure fat and lose 4 pounds of muscle mass.

To summarize my goals: by the time of the cruise I want to be 170 pounds with 17 percent body fat.


Day 1 – 150 Days to a Gay Ideal

In 150 days, on February 1st, I will be flying to Ft. Lauderdale, the Cruise Capital of the Caribbean. The following day, I will be boarding the 2014 Atlantis winter cruise through the Caribbean. That means I have only 150 days to prepare for the cruise.

This is not my first gay cruise. I went on the Halloween Mexico cruise in 2012. To prepare for that I managed to lose 25 pounds and get my body weight close to 200 pounds.

Me and my friend Marc on the Carnival Splendor as we departed the Long Beach Port.

Almost a year after the cruise, I am taking this gay-cruising experience to the next level and continue my quest for a healthier, more fit and, yes, more attractive body. However, on top of just merely documenting what I am doing to my body and how I am changing it, I am also interested exploring why I am doing this to myself in the first place.

  1. Is it okay to be vain, to appreciate the stereotypical, athletic male body; and to desire to be that?
  2. Or is that sort of reverence and desire for the toned male body an intrinsically negative thing only causing self-hatred and low self-esteem?

I am not so much interested in answering those two questions for the world and making a uniform prescription to solve the problem of gay male body image, as I am in exploring those two sides of the coin as they pertain to me and my unique gay male body. This blog is intended to be utterly self-indulgent (a bodyblog by its very nature must be!) When I make a statement or comment, I am not speaking for any community, but only for myself. I am not looking to solve any personal problem or societal problem, but simply explore my own relationship with my body as I transform it into what I perceive to be a gay ideal body.

Before I go any further, I should clarify what I mean by a gay ideal. I chose the phrase “gay ideal” deliberately. It is not meant to suggest a standard that one must meet or surpass, so much as an almost mythological physique; unattainable, or at least perceived as unattainable. Everyone has their own idea of what is sexy and attractive ideal. Some people are attracted to those that are really big, really skinny, hairy, smooth, etc. I am going to go out on a limb and say that myself, like what I believe to be a majority of gay men think of a lean, yet muscular well-coiffed body to be an ideal aesthetic. I believe most men wish to make themselves sexually appealing to other men by achieving such a body. Put another way, if given the option for a man to change his body type to one of the following types:

  1. overweight
  2. skinny
  3. athletic

I am guessing the majority would pick 3. And I would like to move from 1 to 3.

It’s utterly unscientific, presumptuous and offensive to suggest that the majority of gay men find this body type to be the ideal. I believe it is at least reasonable to suggest that is the reality, even if it is not a popular thing to say.

So there, I said it, I want to be one of the lean, well-coiffed men. 150 days may not be enough time to transform my body completely, but I want to see how close I can get to this ideal. I want to exercise the discipline and restraint it takes to have a lean physique. What is it worth? What will it give me? How will I feel about myself in the end? Will it be worth the pain and sacrifice? Or will I even experience even cause me any sort of pain? How will I feel on the cruise? Will I be more self-confident? Will the positives outweigh the negatives?

And so I begin 150 Days to see just how close I can get to this gay ideal.